Salon.com had an interesting
article today regarding Rachel Ray’s interview with Cynthia McFadden last week in which she thoughtfully explains why she chooses not to have children. Mostly, the article and RR’s answer received positive comments. However, one particular commenter whom I can only assume is a man, suggested that the subject of whether (spelled like weather in his comment) or not a woman has children is only controversial simply because she has a choice and a man does not.
First of all, that is a load of crap. Women are indeed the bearers of children, but a man, or at the very least, his essence is needed for contraception. Most heterosexual women do not dream of having a child alone. Sometimes she will choose to do so after she has reached a certain point in her life in which she finds herself unattached but wanting a child. Bravo to her! She is a very brave being choosing to take on the parenting of a child all by herself.
And guess what. A man can do this, too! Ever heard of adoption? Foster care? There are thousands of children in this country who need good homes and would love to be a part of any family that would open their home and hearts to them. So, what exactly does this guy mean when he says he has no choice when it comes to having kids? Looks to me like he just doesn’t want to be a dad badly enough to father a child he didn’t “father.”
But there’s another aspect to his comment that really irritated me: his statement that the choice lies with the woman alone. For one, I’m pretty darn sure that the majority of women in relationships on this planet make joint decisions when it comes to something as monumental and life-altering as procreation. Certainly, there are those neurotic nutjobs who will “accidentally” get pregnant for whatever desperate reason they may have. But generally, a sane, healthy woman isn’t going to go down that road. So then, what are her choices? Leave the man she loves if he chooses not to have children? Maybe. Or maybe she discovers that she loves him enough to accept his choice. And what of this man who has no choice? If he is in a relationship with a woman who chooses not to have kids, isn’t he faced with the same decision?
But let’s get to the heart of what really has me ticked off.
History. How many centuries have women endured the role of “breeder,” existing only to provide heirs to their husband’s name? And what about those women who could not produce an heir? Or not simply any heir, but a male heir? Perhaps she wasn't beheaded as Henry VIII’s 2nd wife, Anne Boleyn, was or sent off to a convent to die alone like his first wife, but her life was surely spent in utter disgrace if not abuse. And please remember that women have only earned equality in this country 30 some years ago, and many woman around the globe are still considered their husband's property to do with as he wishes. And in some places that includes murdering her for getting raped. (Yeah, this really happens).
So, to this man who has the nerve to complain about not having a choice, I say, everyone in America has a choice. You just have to choose what it is you really want. A child? A spouse? A family? A career? Or all of the above? Just choose wisely. It isn’t something that you can easily reverse your decision on once you’ve gotten the bun out of the oven.
